No, It is Not Okay for Christian Couples
to View Porn Together as a Warm Up for Sex
Religious leaders must fill the knowledge vacuum on authentic healthy human sexuality
Editorial by John-Henry Westen
From time to time I am asked to do speaking engagements
and more often than not I'm asked to speak on the
controversial subject of human sexuality. I just
returned from an awesome retreat where organizers urged
me to give my usual, no-holds-barred talk on sexuality
to over 150 adults.
Well, what a reaction! There were questions galore from
Christians who many assumed would know all about such
issues. One discussion that needs to be highlighted,
however, was one I had with a Catholic marriage
counselor.
Now, don't get me wrong. This woman was a sincere,
believing Christian. She explained that she was rather
taken aback at my talk with its blanket condemnation of
pornography as extremely unhealthy from a psychological
and spiritual level. She informed me that she was told
by a priest that married couples, especially those
having trouble with stimulation, could view pornographic
movies together in order to assist their marital
relations. She told me, moreover, that she did not feel
comfortable with the advice at first, so she asked
another priest who also said such viewing of pornography
by married couples was perfectly acceptable.
Although I was dismayed, I cannot say I was surprised as
I've been reporting on scandals such as this for over a
dozen years. The advice is of course totally opposed to
Catholic teaching.
So, as gently as I could possibly muster, I explained
both the Christian and psychological/emotional reasoning
for the absolute banning of pornography.
Firstly, I explained repeatedly that in Matthew 5:27-28
Our Lord explains clearly: "You have heard that it was
said to them of old: Thou shalt not commit adultery. But
I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to
lust after her, hath already committed adultery with her
in his heart."
Clearly the husband/wife viewing pornography is looking
at the other women/men in the film and lusting after
them. So rather than an aid in healthy sexuality for the
husband and wife it is mutual adultery.
Further, still from a Christian perspective,
pornographic films are produced in grave sin, sin which
is the cause of Christ's suffering and death which is
especially remembered during Lent. What are we watching
in such films is the commission of grave offenses
against God and his gift of marital love and
pro-creation.
But from a psychological perspective the watching of
porn is also deadly. Studies have shown that the
watching of pornography is addictive, and the images
seen are etched almost permanently into memory. Such
images pervade the imagination, especially at the most
inopportune moments such as when normal sexual relations
between married spouses is attempted.
Adultery in the imagination, or by watching porn, leads
inevitably to infidelity either in person or virtually.
Adultery usually leads to marriage breakdown and the
nightmare of divorce.
How is it that Christian couples can be given such
deadly advice? How is it that religious leaders can
imagine such destructive suggestions can possibly lead
to sexual and spiritual health?
It is because we have a vacuum of true sexual education,
coupled with a plethora of lies stemming from the
secular world.
Sexuality is a gift from God. It is geared to a man and
a woman giving themselves to each other freely, totally,
faithfully and fruitfully until death do they part. Any
sexual activity outside of that, whether it be
pre-marital, adulterous, by force, with self, same-sex,
or contraceptive is harmful physically, psychologically
and spiritually.
Spiritual leaders should have no fear in proclaiming
these authentic truths. They do so not out of a 'have
no fun' attitude, but out of true care and concern for
those to whom they minister.